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It’s true we have tried everything to have a baby. Some couples fall apart after this kind of stress; the medical part of it wasn’t easy, but we played soothing music and lighted scented candles while doing the fertility shots. (Two inch needles in the hip, yikes! Paul did it better than the nurses!) We enjoy each other’s company and know how to make anything seem like fun. What we’ve realized through all this, and loving deeply many children not our own is that we want a family; and biology matters not.

As a child, Loren’s best friend was adopted…and it might seem a strange thing for a child to be thinking about this, but Loren thought even then that adoption would be a beautiful way to bring a child into the world.

Paul’s best childhood friend was adopted, too. They got along so well, even better than he did with his cousins, that Paul says it was as though they were karmic brothers.

Nature or Nurture?

Loren was raised by her mother and stepfather, an amazing jazz trumpet player who, in his youth, played all the great clubs in San Francisco and New York from Harlem to the West Village and later got his PhD in psychology. Loren has a deep connection with him -- they bonded when she was an infant. Loren has experienced both the genetic similarities she shares with her biological father (an anthropology professor), and the nurturing expressiveness, creativity, warmth, music (and even great cooking!) with her stepfather.

Since she was an infant, Loren had unconditional love from Cap, her grandfather. He was a merchant marine and traveled the world from China to France, sending loving postcards and sometimes gifts from every port. He never finished high school but he told Loren beautiful stories and sang her songs from around the world. Cap was her grandmother’s second husband.  Their bond was so deep, that it proved to Loren that love does not need bloodline to thrive!